For those of you who do not live in Brazil nor have been there before, one of the things that you will find noticeably different when you go -
and you should go at least once - is the notion of personal space.
Personal space in Brazil is a lot smaller than what I'm used to in the US. And I'm from Brazil, was born there, lived there for the first 18 years of my life, have the Latin blood running through my veins and all... but it still catches me by surprise.
Personal space is just smaller... And to be honest inexistent depending on the circumstances.
If you're in line for anything, forget it! There will be someone close behind you, on your sides and if you don't get up closer to the person in front of you, you may end up losing your place in line all together.
Check out this NPR Blog - it gives you a little bit more on "
How Different Cultures Handle Personal Space"... including two reports from NPR's International Correspondents in Brazil and Cairo, plus a link to a super funny snippet of a Seinfeld Episode that anecdotes the concept:
The Close TalkerLines are not the only place where I felt the difference in personal space. Greetings is another area...
Back in June of last year, I visited Brazil on my first business trip, and I travelled to Joinville, where I met some wonderful people I've had the pleasure to work with ever since. That day however was intense for me... It was the first time in a while that I was speaking Portuguese in a business context, definitely first time in person like that, and the first thing you do when you meet someone anywhere in the world is to greet them.
The catch when traveling abroad is that you got to be prepared to greet people in their local way - and in Brazil they hug and kiss. Yep! A woman greeting another woman will kiss each other on the cheek - depending of where you are in Brazil, you will kiss only one cheek and in other places up to three kisses.
Men greet each other with a hand shake and sometimes a hug follows depending on how long you've worked together or know each other. Often a side hug with a belly tap is given between men - that is a true sign of trust.
Outside of a business situation, men will greet each other with kisses as well. This is very common in my family... You can ask my husband... He is now used to it.
Men and women greet each other with a kiss as well. So when I met the advisor for the project I'm currently managing, and I offered him my hand and did not lean in for a kiss he reminded me of where I was and pulled me closer by the hand that I had offered, and gave me a proper professional, greeting kiss.
I have to say that since then I have become more and more accustomed to the tradition and I do sometimes miss it when I am in the US.
Seems when you have to kiss someone on the cheek that you remove walls by default - you allow people into your personal space and you create an immediate sense of ease.
It can be time consuming tough - in a meeting with 30 people, where everyone has to greet everyone things can take a while to get started. My
to-the-point-no-nonsense side would tell me sometimes to skip it, but I just couldn't... And to be honest I enjoyed it, it felt nice to greet people that way, and over time it has become a bit more natural for me. So if I kiss you the next time I see you, don't sue me please!
Oh and before I move on to the next thing... I would like to call out that you do not actually kiss the person's cheek with your lips - that's weird! You touch cheeks and make the kiss sound. That's not weird..
Before I proceed I would like to call out that culture is not something to be judged, and sometimes it can't even be understood. Culture is just the make up of people, how their wired and how they behave as a result of their surrounding. So all that I'm sharing here are my experiences, as I lived them in Brazil, in their culture, through my lenses.
So now let me share a difference side of my journey... Less work related, still an illustration of how different cultures handle personal space.
While in Brazil, I was invited to go to a Forró club and I could not decline. I love to dance! I love how it makes me feel, how it frees my soul and doesn't hurt that it is an awesome way to exercise.
Forró is one of the many Brazilian genres of dance, and one that I find to be exciting to dance and watch ... I had the pleasure to go to a Forró dance club with my sister Bia and her boyfriend - her boyfriend always talks about forró and wants to go all the time, but I didn't think he was really into it until I witnessed his complete immersion into the beat of the drums and the sounds of the accordion when the band started. Watching him alone made my night!
But the night was just beginning and I was mesmerized by the number of people, the heat and the closeness of it all. I especially enjoyed to watch the people dancing. There were two couples that were fascinating and I could not stop watching them... they never even noticed me because they were so engaged into the dance and the moves ... But I definitely felt like I was creeping for a minute there.
The first couple I watched... I can still see them if I close my eyes. It was a very flamboyant guy... His moves were grand and his face was interesting ... It was like he wasn't there. He was somewhere else in his mind. But he was smiling and throughly enjoying the dance .
The girl was beautiful! She was a beautiful black girl, probably on her late 20's with long vey curly hair. She was wearing a sparkly sequen shirt and short black short. She had her eyes closed the whole time while they danced. And they danced for 4 songs straight - as the beat sped up they sped up. The song changed, the moves changed. As they picked up speed she started to add arm movements that made them look like one - like a bird or a waterfall - that's probably a bad metaphore but their dance captivated me and left me in awe. In awe of how two people could be so in sync and move so well together.
The second couple was different - I don't even remember what the guy looked like- which probably means he was a great dancer as he led the girl in such a seemesly manner that made her stand out. And she did stand out - she was gorgeous. Tall, dark, hair down to her waist - she was wearing a short jean shorts, white tang top and Beyoncé like hoops. She was beautiful - effortlessly beautiful. They didn't dance as flourshly as the first couple, but they dance beautifully sexy. She was taller than him so all you could see was her. He supported her dance perfectly, spinning her around and back and forth. It was hard to take my eyes away.
As I stood there and admired these and other people dancing, I begin to feel uncomfortable - I love to dance, I love the music and I love to people-watch, but I begun to feel uncomfortable because I didn't know what to do there. I was asked to dance a couple of times but I politely declined.
I guess I was afraid to suck at it, but mostly I was uncomfortable with how close I would have to get to a random stranger.
Most people in Brazil don't even notice how up close and personal they are ... But having spent the last 12+ years in a different culture where personal space is private and restricted, becomes a real challenge to let go and join in.
While joining in is a challenge, it is not impossible. It is mostly a matter of letting go of preconceptions and allowing yourself to be immersed into the culture.
I will need a couple more trips down to Brazil and to the forró club to get used to things and let go of my inhibitions and join in.
In the meantime, I will continue to share with you the highlights of this one trip...
Next up is "Grandma's Stories"...
